I love Thanksgiving. It’s been my favorite holiday for years. I used to say that it was the family gathering and the communal meal, all the traditions and leftovers and togetherness. It’s the one holiday with almost no commercial interest (unless you’re a turkey farmer). But I’m learning that that’s not at the root of my love for Thanksgiving, at least not anymore.
From when I was a kid until I finished medical school, Thanksgiving was always at Grandma’s house in Norfolk, VA. We squeezed into her little house and loaded the kitchen and dining room with turkey and ham, stewed tomatoes, cornbread dressing, gravy, green beans, and lots of desserts. We raided the candy drawer and played on the lawn (taking care to avoid the cactus!). The football game was always on and we slept in guest rooms, on couches, and on blowup mattresses. We had leftover turkey sandwiches and washed tons of dishes.
But in the years since I started working and my grandmother passed away, Thanksgiving has changed. The dinners have been at my house, which for many years felt very strange (I’m not the matriarch of this family yet!). Now that we live in GA, we don’t have much family nearby, so the family gathering became Christmas when my parents and brother come to visit. Some years we’ve combined our celebration with other families from church, and some we’ve done alone. Last year we did a huge vegan Thanksgiving feast with my aunt and cousins (and had a ball!) I’ve learned how to cook the big meal in phases around my work schedule and when we were eating meat, I made the most juicy roasted turkey with compound butter that you ever tasted!
Thanksgiving 2020. This is our first holiday season in a global pandemic. The CDC has recommended that as we weather another surge of COVID-19 cases far worse than the first that we stay home and limit or eliminate communal gatherings for fear that we will worsen the surge. On a personal level, my fear is that we will infect our more vulnerable relatives. There’s been a lot of talk about how this holiday season is lesser for the lack of family plans and how it won’t really seem like the holidays without them. I had a coaching client tell me that she was feeling down because they won’t be spending their holiday traveling to see family because of the virus.
I have a different perspective on the holidays this year.
While it’s true that holidays are often full of family and visiting and big meals and making memories together, that isn’t all there is to the time we have. Yes, it’s true that we may miss the time together, and there’s nothing wrong with feeling some loss over it. But I see this year as an opportunity. When my Thanksgiving changed and I couldn’t get the time off work to travel to my grandmother’s house, I learned to cook my own meals. We started our own traditions, like writing our blessings on the leaves of our grateful tree. This year we are cooking more of the meal together since the kids have learned a lot of cooking skills this year, and they’ve decided they want to make their own special contribution to the meal (as I write this, I don’t actually know what that is – it’s a secret). My daughters will make rolls (they like to play with the dough), and we will make sure to watch the Thanksgiving parade on TV Thursday morning as usual. We’ll all likely stay in pajamas until noon and since the forecast is for cold and rain, we will probably have a crackling fire and some hot tea or cocoa.
The true root of Thanksgiving for me is in the name of the holiday – we give thanks. My gratitude practice truly has changed my life, because writing my gifts has taught me to see the beauty right in front of me. I still miss my grandma and the Thanksgiving holidays with my aunt and cousins. But gratitude teaches me to keep my mind focused on the good, the lovely, the noble, the excellent, and praiseworthy right in front of me (cit). It’s a choice. As I taught my client, she could decide to have a lesser holiday because of the pandemic if she chooses to think that way. Or she can decide this is an opportunity for her and her husband to create their own new family traditions with the baby in this year when the extended family needs and opinions are removed from the celebration. My mom and dad have been doing dinner out for Thanksgiving in recent years, but this year my mom is planning to cook a traditional meal for the two of them to enjoy.
It’s like what we did in our family for Halloween this year. We decided that there would be no bringing candy in from Trick-or-Treating this year. The kids were bummed, but we were firm. So my husband and I decided that we’d create a treasure hunt for them to find the hidden candy we’d bought. They had clues and scrolls and needed to work together to decipher the map. They had a ball! I’m not suggesting that we would like to spend Halloween like this every year (it was a LOT of work, especially for my husband who created the clues!), but it was a Halloween they’ll remember for a very long time. One thing is for sure: We would not have created this memory without the pandemic to encourage our creativity!
I choose to be grateful for the two days I have off from work, for the slower pace to enjoy, for the traditions we observe, and for the chance to protect and care for my family by not having them visit. We’ll enjoy the cornbread stuffing and savory mushroom gravy, the cranberry sauce, and roasted brussels. I’m looking forward to the rolls the girls will make! We’ll see our family – it’ll just be through Zoom (I’m already sending the links!). For me, keeping track of all the goodness in front of me is what makes this holiday and each of the days worth celebrating.
Happy Thanksgiving!
And for those of you who are following along or just need a reset after the holiday meal, here’s the latest video in Weight Loss Mindset. It’s a good one – come through!