The concept of a solo retreat seems a little strange to many people I talk to. The strong introvert and overwhelmed mom are quick to embrace the idea, but others look at me with a question in their eyes. Why would you go away alone? What do you do? The next question that comes most often is how: How do you manage to leave everything and be by yourself for days? (This one usually comes from the moms). So I thought I’d explain how and why I do these retreats, so that you might be able to find the space and time for the benefits of a solo retreat for yourself.
Over the past few years, I’ve been learning more about rest and energy. Since my tendency and training is to run at top speed until I fall asleep at night, I’ve been trying to figure out what rest is for me. The first clue came in a book I read called Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, by Susan Cain. She talks about (among other things), the need introverts have for silence and time alone to recharge their energy. Now, I love talking and singing and people and doing, and I am not a shy introvert, but I definitely lose energy when I spend lots of time with people. I need time alone to bring my energy (and attitude!) back up. That book really helped me understand my need for solitude and to feel good about carving out time for quiet. Then a good friend of mine published a book about spiritual lessons she’s learned over the years during her meditations in silence. When her son was in school, she set aside time for meditation and silence so she could better connect with God and hear his direction. This sounded like a great idea to me, but between work and the fact that my kids are schooled at home, there weren’t any days where I could have silence and be in my house. The third thing that happened was my husband scheduled a boys trip. He just decided with his friends, put it on the calendar, and let me know the plan. Now, I’d been waiting for years to schedule a girls trip, and had been putting it off “until the kids were old enough”. Apparently, the kids were old enough. So I decided that I’d need to set aside time if I was going to take it. It wasn’t just going to appear, like a gift. Scheduling a girl’s trip takes a lot of coordination. But a solo retreat? It takes some planning, but not as much.
First step: Get it on the calendar. Schedule vacation days, make it a long weekend, whatever. I don’t recommend using a holiday weekend (everyone else is doing that), so you’ll have fewer options for where to stay, and prices will be higher. This isn’t a mini-vacation, it’s a retreat, so schedule it at a time that doesn’t fit in anyone else’s calendar. You must get the dates first – the rest of your plan becomes real when there are dates on it.
Next, get your support lined up. Can your husband cover your days away? Do you need a babysitter for some of the time? Rides around activities or church? Gather your replacements and get them committed. You will have an easier time on this if you plan in advance. I plan my retreats about three months ahead of time.
Now it gets fun. Start looking for a place to stay. AirBnB makes this easy. I’ve driven to Asheville (3 hour drive for me), and I’ve done a stay 25 minutes from my house at a little lake community. Decide what you want: Do you like driving and are you willing to spend half of your first and last retreat days driving? Is it important to you to be in a particular location, like the beach or the mountains? How much money do you have to spend? If you have to fly and pay for lodging in an expensive place, that increases your costs considerably. What kind of environment do you want when you’re there? I wanted to be outside but I’m a mosquito magnet, so I wanted a screened-in porch where I could write and read. I also wanted to be near water, so I picked a spot with a small lake within walking distance. Spend a little time creating a vision of what you’ll want to feel while you’re away – you don’t want to be stuck alone in a house or room that isn’t nourishing to you. You’ll notice everything without kids and life to distract you, so craft this part of the plan carefully. You probably won’t be running around going on activities (you can, but it’s more restful to have as little as possible on your schedule – don’t trade your everyday crazy schedule for an away solo schedule!). So where you stay matters – choose carefully.
The screened-in porch and my peaceful place…
Now the best part: What do you want to do while you’re there? Sleep? Read? Meditate and pray? You don’t have to plan all the details, but knowing what you want to get out of your time away will help you pack. My most recent retreat was supposed to be a girl’s weekend, but when it fell through, I decided to make it a solo retreat. So this time, I didn’t do exactly what I’m encouraging you to do! But, I wasn’t going far, I was driving and could pack up my car with whatever I wanted, and I was open to what God had planned for the time, so I didn’t have any expectations, other than to sleep until I felt like getting up, and to go out in my car as few times as possible (I planned to walk the neighborhood and maybe swim or sit by the lake, but no errands).
Staying parked right here
Then, you pack. I packed food (a bagged salad, a kale salad, a vegan noodle meal, a container of lentil soup, some cherries and tortillas for salad wraps). If you don’t take food, you’ll need to pick up groceries at the beginning of the retreat on your way into your destination, or you’re going to spend time running around trying to feed yourself. If you want to order in, that’s fine, but I find it most restful to have food sitting in the frig that I can eat with very little fuss when I get hungry. I don’t have to think about it much, and since I’m not feeding anyone else, I’m on no one else’s hunger schedule. The first full day of my retreat, other than a cup of coffee and a few cashews around 1030 am, I didn’t think about food until after 2 pm. It’s funny how the cues to eat are triggered by situations (lunch break at work) or other people (the kids!). Maybe it’s a new diet…
The rest of the packing is light. Take clothes you’ll want to hang around in all day, really comfy stuff. If you think you’ll go out, pack a nicer outfit and your makeup, but mostly lounge clothes, pjs, a warm sweater (I love to snuggle on the couch and I don’t like being cold), and something to pin up your hair. Then I packed a big bag of books (some for fun and some for spiritual growth), my journals, my bible, and my laptop for writing my post. I also packed my yoga mat and meditation stool, my bluetooth speaker, my swimsuit, and my face pillow and earplugs.
My face pillow, cozy sweater, blanket, and essential oils…
Then comes the hardest part: Go. Kiss the kids and your honey and leave. You’ll be tempted to check in, accomplish some to-dos on your phone apps, and your mind will come up with tons of stuff to do. Fight it. Turn off the ringer and the notifications on your phone. You’ll also be tempted to fill up the quiet with the TV and/or books, and if that’s what you planned, fine. Otherwise, make an intentional effort to sit in the quiet and experience the space. That’s why you’re there! If you keep at it, your mind will downshift and you will slow down. You need it. Your kids need you to rest and come back better than you were when you left. If you use the time you’ve set aside, you’ll come back with a rested body, a peaceful mind, and a grateful spirit for the time you had off and the life you’re returning to. Now go plan your retreat!
Have you ever taken or wanted to take a solo retreat? If you did, what did it do for you? What would you like a retreat to do for you? Please share in the comments below!