Ever feel like if one more thing happens, everything will come crashing down around you? As if your life is a delicate house of cards and a light breeze will knock the whole thing over? Sometimes I think I might have everything running along like they should, and then it’s as if everything stops working well at the same time. Why is that? Couldn’t crises happen one at a time?

 

 

Guess not. When we came back from our vacation, things seemed to be pretty good. The kids were doing well, the puppy was having fewer accidents in the house, I didn’t gain weight on the trip, and everyone was rested and happy. But no sooner had I gotten back into the swing of things at work,  Perry had a blow up at his job, I started hearing my own work-related drama, two of the kids had fevers, and our homeschool got rocky again. One of those things would have been enough, but all at the same time? All of a sudden, it feels like everything is out of control.

The hardest problem in the midst of a maelstrom like this is that everyone is on emergency mode. While Perry is dealing with his work issues, he needs my support and doesn’t have as much himself to give. Then if the kids are sick, he’s not there, I’m checking temperatures and treating stuffy noses by myself. When I’m staying late at work to cross every T and dot every i, he’s trying to juggle the kids and pick up the groceries I don’t have time to pick up. While each of us is managing our own crazy and putting out the daily fires that appear, there’s very little time and space left over to do anything else.

 

 

All that leads to me feeling strung out and off balance. I woke up multiple times through the night, worrying about how to fix this problem or that. Getting up after a fragmented night of sleep doesn’t feel so good either. The anxiety and worry actually doesn’t serve, but when I’m overwhelmed and running as hard as I can, I forget to do the things I need to do to keep my spirit centered. It’s hard. I’m tempted to panic, and that makes me want to jump in and fix things, take control of everything to make it work right again.

Here’s the problem with that: Even though I want to be in control and think everything will be better if I get a grip on each situation, the truth is that I’m not in control. Every situation that has more than one person involved is complex enough that I can’t just snap my fingers and fix it. When you add multiple complex issues happening at the same time, things quickly start to get out of hand. But there’s another problem….

 

Control is an illusion.

 

It’s a hard thing to learn is that I am not in control. The absolute hardest is to recognize that I’m not supposed to be. There comes a point when you realize that life is complex and big and just plain complicated. All the factors that go into the situations and events that occur are beyond explanation. All the details that factors into the emotions and decisions of one person are vast, never mind when you combine people and situations together – it’s orders of magnitude more complex! And if I can barely keep a grip on my own mind and heart, what makes me think I can control the people and situations around me? It’s not possible. And to be honest, when I really get down to it, I don’t want to be. It’s too great a task, too daunting a responsibility. And really, it’s not for me to be in control of everything and everyone.

My son is a type A, take charge kind of guy (kinda like his momma). He likes to “help” his sisters out, especially when he sees that they’re not quite following the rules as he understands them. So he and I regularly talk about self control. Self control is the holy grail, the goal that is far harder to achieve than trying to control other people. Self control is the only thing you can actually accomplish, and it’s hard enough. So just as I keep pointing him toward controlling himself instead of his sisters, I remind myself to focus on the control I have over my thoughts, my emotions, and my actions. I can pray for other people, but I can’t control them. And the events and situations in life that arise help me to grow in my self control, because I don’t control those either. It feels frustrating, scary, even threatening to be out of control. But trusting that someone has the wheel helps. I know God has all of this in hand, and even though I’d like an explanation about how this is all going to work out, I know it will work out. Jeremiah 29:11 says ,”For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”  1 Peter 4:12 says “Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you.” Isaiah 54:10 says “Though the mountains be shaken, and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,” says the Lord, who has compassion on you.

 

 

Challenges and storms come. Life feels unmanageable and out of control, but I take comfort in knowing that when I feel out of control then I’m probably in the right place. Taking the lessons and gifts that come and using them to grow is what I can do. And in the end, it will work out for the best, even if it’s hard in the moment. So I keep breathing, noticing the good, writing down my gifts on my grateful list, and praying. When I do, I know that this moment is good. And so is this one. If I keep my mind experiencing the good that’s happening now, I don’t let it run off in fear over what might happen in the future. The future isn’t here yet, just this present moment. So rather than torture myself over what could or might happen, I am practicing enjoying the one moment I have, which is this one right now. I’m not saying it’s easy to do, like I’m just sitting here in my chair having a kumbaya moment! But the more I keep bringing myself back, the more time I spend feeling good in this moment now, and not worrying myself into the past or the future. That is peace – and isn’t that what we’re looking for?

 

How about you? How do you manage when you fell out of control? What works to help you find peace? Please share in the comments below!