Oooh, chile! It’s been a tiring week on the emotional front!

 

 

It seems like a lot of things happened in the past 7 days that have challenged my attitude. First, the governor decided to open the state of Georgia for nonessential businesses. Let me tell you why that was hard for me. First, as a physician, I recognize that in this state we are in the midst of the COVID-19 case surge. It doesn’t make sense to me to encourage people to get out and mingle when we know that we haven’t yet passed the most crucial part of the pandemic, and that we risk provoking a second surge by encouraging people to go out to cosmetic appointments and entertainment activities like bowling and movie watching. I understand the economic pressures on the state, but I cringe at the thought of a second wave of COVID-19 and the deaths that will come if this happens.

 

Second, I spent Friday as the only doctor in the office and had several interactions with patients who demanded things that I either disagreed with or couldn’t do. As we start to bring people into the office who’ve been delayed because of the pandemic, more pressure is getting put onto the schedules. And while there have always been patients who’ve asked for things I don’t think they need, it was easier to spend time explaining and practice patience when the schedules were light. On Friday it felt like every patient I had was upset about something, and I needed to give extra TLC to help them feel taken care of as they went back home. Add to that that being the only doctor meant I was getting phone calls from advice nurses and was being asked to sign forms between patients by the nurses in the office, and by the end of the day I felt like I’d run in circles all day.

 

 

I was so grateful to be headed home! I was ready to take full advantage a weekend when I wasn’t working, so I came home ready to enjoy the family. I figured we’d eat dinner, have a fire in our fire pit out back, toast marshmallows and just be together. Unbeknownst to me, my husband also had a day full of challenges at work. When I walked in and saw his face, I knew something was off.  After I completed my decontamination process, complete with wiping my steering wheel and anything I touched after I left the office, washing any clothing I wore to the office, and a shower and nasal cleaning, I came back down to start the weekend. But it was a no-go. He wasn’t up for the fire pit, my son was on restriction for an infraction earlier in the day, the girls were sad, and the night was a wash. I didn’t find out until after the kids were in bed all of what had gone down during the day for him, and by then I was disappointed and ready to hang it up anyway.

 

It took some time and talking, but we worked through the disconnect the next day.  But you know when I really figured out what was happening? In the midst of our virtual worship service on Sunday.

 

 

It may sound strange, but the pandemic itself hasn’t changed a lot for us at home. We already homeschooled, he has worked from home a lot before, and I’m still working as much as before (with the exception of elective surgery – that’s still on hold). So while things outside the house are kinda crazy, home feels pretty normal. We’ve cut out the travel to church and activities, and the kids don’t get to meet with their homeschool group on Mondays, but they are doing that virtually and we have navigated around each other pretty well. He and I tend to have the same scuffles around home life as usual, but nothing more than that as we’ve been confined. And maybe the truth is that with us both working, we’re not really “stuck at home” together, so that’s why we aren’t in more conflict. So this disagreement gave me a little idea of what other people may be feeling during this quarantine. And that little understanding became much bigger on Sunday.

The theme of the sermon this week was Love, and using this time of social distancing to love people more, to grow in our capacity for love and compassion to others. I started thinking back over the week. While I’m concerned about a second COVID surge, what about those small business owners who have no income during the stay-at-home order? What about the family who runs our local coffee shop – how are they surviving? What about my hairdresser I see once a year for a trim – how is she making it with no customers, and how are her daughter and husband doing?

 

Together…

 

One of the women in our family group shared about how the son of one of the patients that they transport to dialysis wanted to show up to see his mom as she was transferred, because he couldn’t visit her in the facility where she lived because of COVID.  And even though it caused a delay for them, the transporters allowed him to have a conversation (with a mask and social distancing) so he could spend a little time with his mom. The night before, another friend from church called me to ask for my advice on treatments recommended for his mom as she was being treated in a local ICU with COVID. And I could hear how hard it was for him to not be able to go visit her as we talked over the phone.

And then the comment that opened up my eyes to what was happening in all these challenges was a simple reminder from a friend. He shared how the message reminded him that love is an action word, not just a feeling, so he was encouraged to act and serve to show his love. That was the common thread. In every situation, whether the decisions the government makes or the interactions at work or home, each were an opportunity to practice my love. They were each a chance for me to act in a way that made my love bigger, stronger and more powerful. When I get yet another call from a nurse who is calling me because she can’t reach the doctor assigned to calls that day, I can choose to be patient and gracious and help as best I can. When a patient is irritable and mistrusting, I can take a moment to recognize that she may be afraid, and leaving her house in this pandemic may be very scary and stressful for her. I can take a few more moments to reassure and comfort, because that’s love.

When I question the decisions of our political leaders, I can remember that I don’t have the wisdom or perspective to know all the factors that go into those decisions. I can remember those who may benefit from the decision and have compassion on their situation. And while I might not go to those businesses right now, I can choose to support them anyway because I care about the people behind them.

When I bump heads with my husband, I can see this as the greatest opportunity of all to love. After all, aren’t the deepest hurts we feel with those we love? This is when I get to dig deep, reach for my compassion and understanding, and choose to be kind and gentle even if I’m feeling disappointed. Besides, the action that I feel hurt about is almost never intentional. When I stay in my own point of view, I miss the chance to grow and expand. When I reach, when I look for other ways to see the circumstances and see them from his perspective, I gain a bigger heart, more compassion, and I can love even more.

 

 

Many of us grew up watching romantic movies and reading stories and learned that love is a feeling that comes when all the stars align, or everything falls into place, or it’s just meant to be. But love is so much more than a feeling. It’s a practice! It takes energy, effort, awareness, and intention. The good news is that life gives us plenty of opportunity to grow in love. Thank God for the practice!

 

Have you found ways that life is challenging you to grow in love? How have you seen the call to love bigger in your life? Please share in the comments below!