It’s been a whirlwind the past couple of weeks! So much has happened recently in the world that it can feel overwhelming to keep moving ahead. I know the temptation to “go in the cave”, the instinct to withdraw and hide from my life has been front and center recently. It can be tough when it feels like you’re carrying as much weight as you can possibly bear and something else happens. I can feel like wanting to run and hide – I dream of huddling under a pile of blankets in a warm dark place and pretending that I don’t have to deal with any of it.
Have you felt that way? I know I’m not the only one. I know some of the challenges you face in your lives – the learning disabilities your kids have, the illnesses you or your parents face, the work struggles on top of trying to keep your family life running. Each of us has something we’re dealing with.
And yet we started 2021 with a big sigh of relief that 2020 was over and we looked forward with hope to the promise of a new year. Isn’t hope a beautiful feeling? The resiliency of the human spirit to keep reaching for possibility is a powerful and inspiring thing. So many of us started the year with a place for really tackling our weight problem this year, or getting our small business going, or building a consistent meditation practice. We were starting over and this year was going to be better!
And then the invasion of the Capitol building happened on January 6.
Well, at least it wasn’t this bad…
It was shocking to watch people walk by armed Capitol police and put their feet up on the desks of our legislators. It was maddening to see the lack of preparedness for these protests when contrasted to the show of force for the Black Lives Matter protests of 2020. It was discouraging to realize that the instigators of this riot weren’t condemned by everyone and that even around this situation we as citizens couldn’t be unified. And then we had to prepare for the possibility of more violence and chaos as Inauguration day approaches. What is this world that we live in?
And many of us said, “It’s just too much.” Some of us were ready to get into that cave, to try to get back to only the absolute requirements of our lives. That weight loss plan, the business project, the meditation practice – all that would just have to wait. There was just too much going on to build and grow and be creative. So we stopped. We let go of the meal prep and planning and organizing for the business and setting the alarm a few minutes earlier to make room for the meditation exercises. We just let it go.
Especially as Black women, the strain can be unbelievable. (I know everyone reading isn’t a Black woman, but a lot of you are and I am, so I’m going here for a moment.) Between the structural racism and sexism at work, the unequal household burden most of us shoulder in childcare and home maintenance, the eldercare some of us do, and the background narrative of the strong black woman who can’t let anyone see her sweat, the pressure is immense. It’s easy to believe that we can’t do one more thing and taking care of ourselves isn’t as important as all the other things we need to manage and all the other people who need us.
I know how you feel. Three of my kids are on the puberty roller coaster right now, and it seems like I can’t get a handle on what they need anymore. I thought I had it down – and then their needs changed. The challenges in raising them in this online world are different and often very scary. Navigating the hormones and emotions and threat of online pornography and the social media dangers and guiding their very impressionable young minds is a daunting task. Knowing I have to prepare them for this world we live in and wanting to protect them from it at the same time is a balancing act I don’t think I’m doing very well. Add that now they actually have opinions and sometimes they don’t want to share them because they are afraid they’ll disappoint us or get in trouble and now we have to navigate secrets and hiding. I’ve been hearing that voice that says it’s too much to raise these kids and be a physician and have my coaching practice and keep a strong marriage going. I’ve been looking around to see if there’s an opt-out button on any parts of my life – can I unsubscribe to any of this?
Yes, you can. But it’s not what you think and it won’t do what you want. Sometimes you need to constrain and stop doing optional activities so you can focus on a crisis in your life. Pray and listen and you’ll know what you should do. But what happens most often is that life happens and we give up on taking care of ourselves. We think that by letting our own growth and care go that we’ll have more time and space to manage everything else. But then we delay losing that 20 pounds or getting that dream business off the ground and our mindfulness work doesn’t become part of our life and life keeps happening anyway.
You know, from New Year’s Day to January 6th, we thought we had a fresh start. We let the Capitol invasion make us think that the world was out of control and we needed to give up the “optional” and focus on the “essential” We were in a dangerous world and we’d better get safe. But here’s the reality: the world before January 6th was no different than the one after. It’s the same world. We just see some of it more clearly than we did before. It may be that we’d like this world to be better (I do!), but it’s not true that things are worse than they’ve been or everything is going downhill. If anything, the events of the past four years have revealed the truth of the world we live in, which gives us a chance to decide how we want to live in it, what part we want to take to change it. Giving up on our growth won’t make the world better, only less, because we aren’t becoming what we’re called to be in it. Losing your weight alone might not make you into the person you are designed to become. But not having the noise in your head around wanting to lose weight will give you space to grow into that person. If weight isn’t your struggle, the same goes for you. You have something getting in your way and putting it off until life “settles down” is how you make sure you never deal with your obstacle.
The world is what it is. We get to choose how we want to show up in it. So let’s get going on our plans and dreams and become who we are here to be!
If you’re still here, you may be one of many wondering how to do what I’m encouraging you to do. It may seem impossible to do what you are already doing and get moving on your plans too. It’s not. You might not know this, but you’re the only thing in your way. And that’s great news because you can change you. But you don’t have to do it alone! Set up a free mini-session with me by emailing drandreachristianparks@gmail.com and I’ll get you the boost you need to get started!
Here’s your video help for the week!