Since starting this blog three years ago, each week I’ve known what to write, even if it wasn’t until the last day. This is the first week I’ve felt like maybe I have nothing to say.

 

These last few weeks have been challenging, to say the least. What they have not been is catastrophic, and I don’t feel so down that I can’t function. I’ve certainly felt off balance, worried, tired, and overwhelmed. I told a friend of mine that as I navigate these recent challenges, I feel alternatively just fine and completely terrified. I can be ok in one minute and then terrified the next. Sounds like mood swings – how can I go between fine and afraid so quickly? It all matters where I allow my mind to go. If I stay in this present moment now, remembering that in this moment everything is fine, I am breathing, the family is healthy, we are fed and sheltered, then I am ok. When I allow my mind to wander to all the possible ways the recent craziness can escalate, how our life and home could be falling apart if things don’t work out, and how much I don’t want that to happen, I can feel the tightness in my neck and shoulders grow with my fear. It’s the difference between letting my mind wander into the possible future and staying in the actual present. But good grief! The energy I’ve had to use to try to stay in the moment has been massive. It’s exhausting!

 

 

So this morning I woke up trying to decide what on the list needed to fall off. Was there anything I thought was important that really could just wait? This blog post was one of the optional items. But since I made a commitment to write a post a week, it’s hard for me not to do it. And, writing down some of my thoughts is therapeutic, so that’s helpful. I decided that at least I’d write down the things I’ve been doing to keep myself from losing my mind as I wait to see what God is doing with our lives. Maybe what I’m doing will help someone else find some peace in the midst of their challenge.

 

Look up.

When I feel discouraged, I tend to feel the weight of the trouble on my shoulders. My gaze is down, and I feel heavy in my heart and soul. Even when I meditate, I find that my internal eye is looking down and I have to keep drawing up my focus. It’s as if I’m protecting myself by curling inward. Looking up helps! When the last time you spent time looking up at the sky, even for a few moments? We spend most of our time looking down at keyboards, phones, books, and papers, so we rarely look up. Try taking a few moments to look up at the sky. Watch the clouds move, or see a bird fly overhead. It helps me remember I’m not in charge and I don’t have to be.

 

Stay grateful.

I’ve written more in my grateful list recently. I’d fallen off, not because it wasn’t useful, but because I convinced myself that the practice had trained me to be able to keep track of my gratitude in my head. That was a mistake. Taking a couple of minutes to write down the good always reminds me that I have more than I even notice. This week, I was grateful for my new seven dollar linen pants, holding my 10 year old close, my six year old asking if she can get me anything, my cuddly warm long purple sweater, and a yummy purple potato chipotle hash, among other things. In the midst of the hard moments, writing down the good helped me to see it. I like re-reading the list – it helps me remember all the beauty!

 

Talk to other people.

When I’m under stress, it can be easy to feel isolated, as if no one else can understand what I’m going through. It’s scary to share though, because it leaves me vulnerable and afraid because even well-meaning friends can respond in ways that don’t feel very supportive. But I find that when I talk about what I’m dealing with, love and support come back. And when I’m vulnerable, other people feel able to share their own struggles. Often, what others are facing is far worse than what I’m dealing with. Sharing isn’t supposed to be a pity party, or let’s-see-who-has-it-worse. But I find that when I see the troubles others face in their lives, I can pray for them and keep my difficulties in perspective. I haven’t shared the details of our recent struggles on this blog because my kids read it sometimes. But I’m reaching out to people one by one, and because of it I’ve been loved a lot recently. And it helps.

 

Memorize something.

When I’m tempted to go into a tailspin, sometimes the thing that can bring me out is repeating the truth to myself. A wonderful nurse I used to work with shared a quote she uses when she’s going through tough times, and I thought it was wonderful. She shared this quote by Victor Hugo: “Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones; and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace. God is awake.” Thank goodness for the reminder that he is, because I’ll worry myself into tossing and turning when I really should know that he’s got it while I get the rest I so badly need.

I’ve been repeating Hebrews 12:2 over and over: “Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.” It helps me to keep looking up!

 

Do you have ways to get steady in a time of upheaval? Please share in the comments below!