I think I’m going through a phase…
About a year ago, I told my husband that I wanted to put a layer of red in my hair. Not anything permanent, mind you, but the trend toward fun colors in hair was back and I wanted to color the bottom half of my hair. I thought it would be fun, and maybe a little edgy. His comment? Actually, I thought it was rude, but funny. He said that he figured I’d never had a “rachet” phase in my life, so it was okay if I did it now. I punched him in the arm.
After I went to my hair stylist and figured out that what I really wanted would require stripping my hair, I started looking for alternative options. Of course, social media obliged and I found a washable colored hair wax. I bought red, blue, purple, white, and gold.
Yep, it’s blue. Actually, this one isn’t my favorite – I like the red and the gold reminds me of the blond highlights I had when I was in college. The colors have been fun and funky, but still not something I’d make permanent. If you’ve been reading this blog for awhile, you’ve also probably seen my intention tattoos that I wear on my arms. Now, I don’t have any issue with real tattoos, but I don’t want permanent ink in my skin, just like I don’t want permanent color in my hair. Part of the issue is that I don’t want the exposure to the chemicals (there’s emerging info about hair chemical and a link to breast cancer), but also I just don’t have anything that I’d want to permanently etch into my skin. But temporary reminders based on how I want to think or be? That’s something I can use!
Last week I was preparing to go to my grandmother’s memorial service, making lists and packing. During a break, I was fooling around on a temporary tattoo website and I found one that made me think of my grandmother. She was a ballet dancer, and her spirit just left this world a few weeks ago. The image of a dancer inside the wings of a bird spoke to me, so I ordered it. I figured I’d wear it for the memorial service in her honor. She was 97 years old when she died.
When the tattoo arrived in the mail I was so excited! I’d used this brand before, but the application process was completely different. So I looked up the instruction video, followed the instructions, and applied the tattoo to my arm. It works kind of like henna, where you put the ink on your skin and the color develops fully in the next 24-36 hours. The directions said to avoid any excessive movement of sweating during the application, so I sat down to watch a documentary with the kids and wait quietly as instructed for 1 hour for the tattoo to develop.
Then my husband called.
I jumped up and left the room – I think it’s rude to talk on the phone while others are trying to listen to a show, so I wen into the kitchen to take the call. I saw the roses I bought earlier in day waiting to be cut and arranged, so while I was talking to him, I started on the flowers. In the middle of the call, I realized that I felt hot under the tattoo plastic wrap. I stopped what I was doing and sat back down to cool off, but it was too late – the tattoo ink was spreading under the wrap. I took it off and went to be hoping it wasn’t as bad as I thought, but in the morning the ink had developed into a blurry, fuzzy, indistinct dark mess.
Arrggghhh!
I was furious. It was completely my fault for not following instructions, but now I had this mess on my arm for the next 2 weeks, which wouldn’t generally be as big of an issue (just wear long sleeves), but I was going to the memorial service in Florida. To 80 degree weather. And, a little tattoo reminder of my grandmother is one thing – but this mess? I felt like a freak, getting ready to go to work to see patients with blue hair and a tattoo colored smear on my arm.
At first, I was just angry. I emailed the company to ask for suggestions for how to get it to fade more quickly. Then I tried to exfoliate my arm skin, which only made my arm itchy and red around the dark tattoo smudge. So I got a huge bandaid and covered as much as I could so it wouldn’t be seen when I pushed up my sleeves to examine patients through the day.
Then I tried to make the best of it. I showed the kids the messy tattoo and reminded them of the importance of following directions. I figured I was a good object lesson! Really though, I was still upset. Why didn’t I just sit there and be cool until the time was up? Then I started thinking the patients would see me in some sort of judgemental way, so I started feeling defensive. I had been going for cool and edgy, not full out crazy! The day ahead started to look negative and ugly, but I had to go anyway. So I went.
You know what saved me from spiraling totally out of control? I started thinking differently about it. I wish I could say it was a completely smooth, no issue kind of day, but it wasn’t. I reminded myself that I was washing the blue color out soon. Eventually, the mark on my arm would fade, and maybe the company would email me back with some suggestions for how to speed that process up. Even if I looked a little funky, I was still the same powerful, knowledgeable, excellent physician and my patients would be cared for in the best way – even with blue hair and the tattoo mistake. I got dressed in an outfit that complimented the blue shade in my hair and went to work.
I had a couple of moments through the day where I didn’t handle the normal crazy of the office with as much grace as I’d have liked. But they were rare, and certainly nowhere near what they could have been or would have been before I started actively managing my thoughts. I’m so grateful I’m learning how to manage my thinking, because I know the kind of day I would have created for myself when I let my brain control me. I didn’t get any magical suggestions from the tattoo company, but the bandaid worked well. Interestingly, several of my patients commented how much they liked the blue hair, and my nurses and colleagues also thought it was fun. It all worked out in the end.
For grandma…
Have you ever created a disaster of a day by the way you started the day? How’d you turn it around? Please share in the comments below!