Welcome back everyone! I’m glad you’re here. It’s been another busy whirlwind week and I can’t believe it’s Friday again. But I’m not working this weekend, so yea Friday! I’ve been thinking hard again about the direction I’m moving and I have a little better perspective. So I’ll share it with you here! Also, at the end of the post I have an important announcement, so read on to the end!
Recently I’ve been feeling that push to rush through my life even harder than usual. I have a tendency to be so busy that I look back and realize I didn’t experience any of what I just did! But I did a lot of things on the list. You know, as an aside, I believe that’s a huge reason why my husband and I are meant to be together. He is so good at living in the moment and enjoying experiences! I learn a lot the longer I live with him… Anyway, I’ve been really busy with ramping up for our school year and I’ve had to give mid year reviews on top of normal work, so I’ve been a little stretched. It’s been hard to find any quiet or stillness anywhere. Even in the early mornings when I’m up before everyone else, when I sit down to meditate, my mind is straining away at the leash. It just won’t settle down!
So stubborn…
It can be like that sometimes. We live in such a fast paced world, with instant oatmeal and microwave food, high speed internet, email and text messages. I’m used to getting immediate answers to questions that in the past might have taken hours to research. It’s hard to back off from that kind of instant gratification and find good in slowness and quiet. Yet, we are starting to see the value in slowing our pace as a society. The Slow Food movement is a good example, as is the growing interest in yoga and meditation. It’s a great thing!
Here’s my most recent problem. When it comes to life racing by, I can see the value in living in the moment and slowing down. But when it comes to my character development, no, I can’t seem to find happiness in waiting for change. I want it to happen NOW. You know what I’m talking about. Anytime you try to change a habit, quit doing something that you know is bad for you, or start being or doing something new and good, it seems to take forever for the change to stick. I want to rip out all my hair in frustration with how slow I am to change sometimes!
In the past few weeks I’ve been talking about my commitment to listening and connecting to God, resharpening that razor focus on him, and growing that from the starting point of listening for when and how much to eat. If you go back to the last two posts, you can read how challenged I’ve been as I’ve been working at it. This week was different though. It’s not that all of a sudden everything has fallen into place, or that I’ve dropped five pounds, or that I suddenly feel like the struggle has lessened. It hasn’t. But I’m seeing something in it to appreciate. It’s not really about flipping the switch and getting it “right”.
I’m seeing this path of growth as an evolution, “the gradual development of something”. Self change is not instant, it’s a process. There’s often a starting point to awareness, something that sparks the flame of understanding that change is needed. It may be only a moment, or a new exposure, a trauma, conversion or health scare. For me, weight loss was a gateway to seeing health in a personal way that moved how I care for my family and patients. It has changed what I want to do to help women everywhere find health and balance. But while the awareness may be a flash, a quick start, the process of becoming is not. It’s exactly that: a process, an evolution. But I don’t like to wait for change to happen, I just want it to be done and all better!
Even more than that, as much as I often find it painful to see where I fall short and struggle my way to a better self, I want to keep growing. I remember being told a long time ago that if you’re not growing, you’re dying. And while I’m at peace with dying when it’s time to go, I don’t intend to be here days and months and years dying each day. I want to grow! Even if it hurts, even if it’s hard, even if sometimes I don’t see progress. That’s what I’ve been circling around this week – there is no alternative for me. It’s only forward. So I get up, I meditate, I pray, I breathe, and I wait. And I do it again. And again. Because one day, I’ll look at this time and see that I built something beautiful, even if right now all I can see are all the stones I’m moving one by one.
Whether we know it or not, we’re always building something. The only question is, are you building intentionally? What will you have if you keep doing this for the next 20 years? I can only glimpse who I will be down this road, but if I don’t fight to grow and change, I know what kind of sad, bitter, worn out woman I could become. That’s not who I’m here to be! So I practice faith, kindness, patience. And I mess up a lot! But that’s what practice is for, so we can grow. So let’s keep growing, together!
How are you growing in your life? Have you learned to appreciate your evolution, or are you battling impatience? Please share in the comments below!
Drumroll please! After lots of thought and preparation, finally the fall Tea Talk is here! Tea Talk: Food As Medicine part 2 will be on September 23, 2017 from 10 am -12 pm. We will be taking our introduction to Food As Medicine deeper as we discuss Plant Based Living. I’m so excited, I can’t wait to meet up with you all there! If you want to come, go to my Event Brite invitation to reserve your spot. Seating is limited, so get your ticket soon!
