I’ve been so tired this week.

Even as I write that, my mind wants to argue with me (You’re not really tired. Maybe you could get a little more sleep, but you haven’t been up all night at work, the schedule was lighter this week, you got to do telemedicine two days. It’s not like you’re going anywhere other than work and the grocery store, so you shouldn’t be tired.) But I am tired, and I know why. It’s not hormones and it’s not stress, and it’s not because too much is going on.

It’s my brain’s fault.

 

 

There has been a lot happening this week. And when there’s a lot to do, my tendency is to buckle down and take care of the work as quickly and efficiently as possible. Sounds appropriate, right? This week was when we emergently started our new homeschool teacher, my twins were on the last leg of preparing for their end-of-year exam, and we just about ran out of toilet paper. Yes, the struggle is real. Bringing a new employee into our home to orient to our homeschool program and our kids and our home at the end of the year has been a little rocky. The surge in COVID-19 cases is anticipated over the next two weeks by the expert estimates, and the changes in the medical office and hospital seem to come hour by hour (though the updates do come at least multiple times a day). So I’m still working to balance my responsibility to be informed and educated and to stay calm not engage in the what-if disaster mindset. I’m also trying to keep up with my coaching program and I almost missed an assignment this week during the churn of adjusting to all these changes.

None of this is the problem.

 

I know the answer!

 

The problem is how I’m thinking about it. Rather, it’s that I’m thinking in a negative way about it, and I’m fighting hard not to think that way. You know how I’ve said that you are the mother of your mind, and that you get to choose the thoughts you want to think? Well, that’s true. I can choose to remember that everything is going well and that nothing is wrong. I can count my blessings and use my gratitude journal to see all the good things that I have right now. Those are good things to do. It’s the fighting that is making me tired.

 

 

When I’ve taught about managing the mind, there’s a part that I’ve given less attention, both in teaching and in practice. I’ve taught to capture the thoughts, and choose intentionally what thoughts you want to think. Remember, the mind is wired to look for threat, and it’s very good at its job. So in the background, the mind is always scanning, trying to find what could be a problem. When it finds possible threats, it offers them up as thoughts. When I have a lot of things happening, there are a lot of thoughts coming up as those possible threats. And that feeling of threat or danger does not feel good. But what do you do with the unintentional thoughts, the scary ones? I’ve gotten pretty quick at countering the thoughts with “better” thinking, with looking for what is good, with arguing with my mind. What I’m not doing is listening, because I don’t want to feel uncomfortable and scared and threatened and worried. So I’m trying to skip to the “good” thoughts.

That doesn’t work. Here’s why: When the mind is offering thoughts, especially those that are meant to warn of danger, it means to be heard. When I try to push those warnings away because I know that I’m not really in immediate danger, my mind knows I’m not acknowledging the message. So the warnings get louder, and I work harder on my gratitude list, or focus on all that’s going well right now. My pushing and fighting is the part that is making me tired.

 

 

It’s not that I’m suggesting that you allow all the worries of your mind to overtake you. But ignoring them and pushing them away doesn’t work. If it did, I’d be all for it! I’m offering that you allow some airtime for your mind to be heard, to acknowledge the warnings and pay attention to those thoughts. Let them be there. Just sit and listen to your mind worry, maybe write down the thoughts so you can see them clearly, and before you do anything else, just breathe. Listen to the worry and fear. Breathe some more. Don’t try to change the thoughts or argue against them. You will not want to do this, because you will feel as thought the fear and worry will overwhelm you. It won’t. Actually, if you allow it, listen to it, let it have some space and acknowledge it, it will begin to fade. The fears may still be there, but they won’t be as loud. And when they return, you can listen and acknowledge, and they will fade again.

Let me help you see this in my example from the beginning of the post. Remember the words I used to describe my week? Struggle, churn, pushing, fighting, trying, buckle down, rocky. Aren’t you tired just reading them? Those are words I chose in my mind to describe my situation. Now, I can just try to put a positive spin on it, but my mind wants to think these thoughts. I need to listen and acknowledge it. Once I’ve done that, if I see that my way of thinking is producing a result I don’t want, then I can decide to choose a different way of thinking intentionally. But skipping over the warning thoughts isn’t intentional – it’s avoiding. And avoiding doesn’t work with the mind, because it’s very smart and persistent, and it’ll keep trying until it accomplishes its goal. The mind is amazing! So I’m listening and acknowledging. It’s uncomfortable, but it actually is less uncomfortable than resisting the thoughts, because they fade away when I listen instead of fight. And now I can choose the new way I want to think!

 

Choosing intentionally…

 

Have you tried to cover up uncomfortable thoughts with “better” ones? Have you tried to sit with the uncomfortable thoughts and acknowledge them? Please share your experiences in the comments below!