It’s that time of year again! The temperature is falling, the leaves are changing colors, the kids are back to the school schedule and autumn is in full swing. The stores seem to think it’s time to put out Christmas decorations. Even though I refuse to put up any Christmas until Thanksgiving is properly celebrated, it is actually the beginning of the holiday season. Costumes and parties and food and gifts and family and travel – all good things, right? So why do I feel this looming sense of dread?

 

Let me run it down for you.

 

My high season starts with Halloween, which requires costumes for 4 little people. My in-laws come to visit for a week and to take the kids trick-or-treating (Thank God for them!). Then a week later is our 14th wedding anniversary. Twelve days later is my husband’s birthday, and this year, three days later comes Thanksgiving. Then there’s a very short window before Christmas (when my parents come to visit – I can’t wait!) and all the cooking and presents that need to be bought and wrapped. And five days after Christmas the birthdays start. All four of my children were born in the 30 days after Christmas – I know, fantastic planning on my part (as if any of us really control that). So many good things and so much celebration! I think I’m starting to hyperventilate…

 

Just kidding!

 

Some of you are wondering what exactly is my problem, and I know why. I mean yes, I know that all these things are good, and I’m so fortunate to have all these people and events in my life. It won’t always be this way, and I understand that I’d better enjoy this season of family and events while I have them. But knowing that in my head and feeling tight in my chest are NOT mutually exclusive. My planner self recognizes that getting all these events together seamlessly is the biggest coordinated effort I make all year. And it’s a lot of planning! Shopping for food, choosing recipes, buying costumes and Christmas and birthday gifts and doing all the cooking AND going to work – I’m kinda looking forward to February.

 

Now hear me out – I am not complaining. But you have to understand who is writing about this stuff. I know that there are people out there who thrive on the hustle and bustle of the season, who love the parties and celebrations, who enjoy planning and decorating and wrapping and buying and going in and out of stores. But while I enjoy dressing up sometimes and I love the lights and decorations, the pace and busyness are exhausting to me. I’m more of an introvert, and I get wrung out with all the activity. My husband loves all this stuff – and wants to be at everything. He thrives around people and happenings! But I get tired, probably because I’m doing too much. My mom always did so much for us to make my brother and I feel special (I still don’t know how she did it all!), and I want my family to feel as taken care of as my mom did for us. But if I become a snappy, weepy, strung-out mess in the process, no one is going to feel very loved!

 

In his element…

 

In the middle of all this ruminating about all that I have to do to get through this season, I heard that small voice again. It started asking questions, like why do I have so much happening all at once, and not just this year, but every year? Do I really think that’s a coincidence? An accident of nature? Or maybe, this is all by design. God may just have planned my life to be this way so that I will choose to see him beyond all the noise and chaos. I watch him move things around for me all the time, every day, in ways I didn’t expect but that are better than I expect. So grumping about it really is complaining about the gifts he’s giving. I’m missing his gifts right in front of me!

 

 

So this year, I’m going to try something a little different. Instead of putting my head down and making it work, I’m going to spend more time with my head up looking around. Breathing. Being here now. That probably means my inner perfectionist is going to have to take a hike, but she needs to get out more anyway. So (I haven’t done this yet), I am going to choose what matters most to me in this season and do it. Do I really need new decorations? Or can I enjoy putting up the ones from last year with the kids? What about the big holiday dinners? How many dishes do I really need to cook? Can I simplify the Christmas gifts for the kids? The birthdays are coming, but it’s about celebrating the birthday boy or girl and making them feel special, not buying stuff. Maybe we get pizza one of those birthdays. And it’s time to get back to the grateful list…

 

So there it is. Breathe with me – in for a count of four, hold for two, then out for a count of six, then hold for two. Repeat for at least one minute. I always feel so much more relaxed when I remember to breathe. This year, I’m going to breathe and enjoy this high season!

 

 

Are you looking forward to the holidays? What are you going to do to keep your sanity? If you already enjoy the holidays and don’t get overwhelmed, what do you focus on to keep your joy? Please share in the comments below!