I’m crocheting myself a nap blanket.
In the summer? Well, there’s a story behind this. First of all, I’m not very good at it. I can make straight lines, stripes really, and that’s about it. My mom taught my ages ago how to do the basic stitches for knitting and crocheting, but I didn’t get good at it because I didn’t spend any time practicing. When I was in residency, some of the night labor and delivery nurses would crochet baby hats for the newborns while we were between deliveries. So when I was up at night working L&D, I started crocheting again. When one of the nurses or residents would have their own baby, often someone would make them a baby blanket. I realized that by the time I had a baby I would have left residency, so I figured I’d have to make my own baby blankets.
The kids’ blankets
So I made my first baby a soft, striped blanket. And of course, each baby after that had to have one made too. I chose colors that I thought would fit them, and I used different kinds of yarn and made them unique. After the last baby, I realized that I wanted my own blanket. I’m a big fan of nap time, not just for the kids (although I miss that time of day very much!), but also for me. A nap can save me, even if it’s a short one.
So awhile ago, probably more than a year, I started buying my organic cotton yarn and building my blanket. That cotton is expensive! But I needed something breathable, because sweating through naps is not ok. And I wanted to create something in line with my values, so organic cotton it was. Skein by skein, I collected them with coupons and worked on the blanket.
But it’s not done. And I find that aggravating. Now, I have other blankets around and I don’t have to have this one. Maybe it’s the fact that the blanket is an unfinished project and I feel like a slacker because of it. Or, it might be that the pace of this project is so slow and I want it to move along faster. Whatever it is, it’s a nagging reminder of something I’ve not finished yet, and that bothers me. It seems like I’ll never be done!
Recently I started using the crocheting as a time of meditation. I would read something I wanted to think deeply about, and then take a few minutes crocheting to keep me sitting in the chair. This week I sat down to start a new color on the blanket and found that I needed a new skein of yarn. But when I went to pull the end piece from the center, I couldn’t get it out. I tried each end, but it was not happening. The other end of the yarn was right on the surface, but I have learned from experience that if I start working from that end, eventually as the skein unravels it will tangle. Badly. And then I have to keep stopping work on the project to unravel the yarn. If I take the time in the beginning of the skein to roll it up into a ball, the crocheting goes smoothly until the end of the ball.
So with a sigh I started the ball. It seemed take forever – every time I looked down at the skein it didn’t look any smaller and the ball didn’t seem to be growing. But I kept wrapping and turning the ball until all of a sudden I was finished. I went from thinking that I’d be rolling up this ball for days, to being finished! The blanket is the same. No, it’s not done, but I looked at it and realized that I’m more than halfway there.
My finished yarn ball!
I know I’ve said this before, but I’ve had to learn to appreciate the journey. My default focus is on the destination and completing the goal. But because most of life is spent in the journey, living for the destination leads to a lot of disappointment and dissatisfaction. Even now, I can spend a lot of my energy worrying that I’m not where I want to be yet, or haven’t achieved something I want to do. That just leaves me running and forever behind. That’s not the mindset that sees the beauty and value in this moment. These moments of preparation and planning are as valuable as the destination! I’m learning to look back and see the progress, before I’m at the end. At some point, I will have done the things I’m preparing now. And God will bring another dream or goal for me. So now as I work, stitch by stitch, step by step to the dream, each one builds on the last, until this vision is realized and another is given. I’m learning to take satisfaction in each stitch.
What about you? Have you been able to slow down and see your progress? How are you enjoying this moment now? Please share in the comments below!