This week has been begging for ibuprofen.
Now, I didn’t take any. Not that there’s anything wrong with taking some ibuprofen if you need it here and there. Ibuprofen is an anti-inflammatory medication, and it works. Too much of anything isn’t good though, and you need a little inflammation sometimes to promote growth and healing. I had lots of opportunities for growth this week.
But I did take a lot of turmeric and black pepper.
Let me tell you about the opportunities for growth. After I ran around like crazy all weekend at the hospital while wearing my back support for my back injury, I spent all day Monday with my five year old. We didn’t have childcare, and Perry took the big kids to Six Flags for the day. I thought I’d get some things on my list done since I’d be home all day. That didn’t happen. I must have forgotten that a five year old alone needs near constant supervision – I’m so used to her older siblings keeping her entertained! So after I cleaned pen ink off of several surfaces, I realized that my day was going to go a little differently than I planned. Suffice it to say, I started off my week behind.
Magic eraser cleaning…
Tuesday I had a day in the office where I had to give concerning news to a patient and do performance reviews with several of my staff, one of which was very challenging. By the time I headed home I had a headache, which thankfully doesn’t happen often for me. When I walked in the house, the kids had left lots of their stuff lying around everywhere (as usual). So after I corralled them, got the clean-up done, showered, ate dinner, moved them all to bed and spent a few minutes trying to plan my October retreat, it was my bedtime. I dragged my exhausted husband off the couch (he’s been working hard!) and we marched off to bed. I still didn’t get anything done.
Wednesday I didn’t sit down from the time I got to the hospital until I left. My head and legs hurt when I got in the Atlanta traffic to head home. Then we had family group midweek at our house (I stayed awake for almost the whole thing). Again, nothing done.
Thursday was back in the office. Between late patients and a double booked schedule, I worked into lunch (and the birthday party the nurses gave for me and another doctor). After stopping for ten minutes to eat, I finished up my morning charts and the afternoon began. Between the phone interview with a new doctor I had to complete and the calls from my husband about dinner for the kids (no childcare again), when I looked up it was time to head home. Still didn’t get my patient list done for the meeting coming up or the office schedule work I needed to do…
Still unfinished…
Sounds like I raced through this week, doesn’t it? That’s what it felt like. Everything in me is screaming for a break. I don’t want to do anything but sit in front of Netflix and binge watch TV (which I never do – just not what I usually want to do).
But as I go back over the week and process how I’m thinking about it, I realized that I have quite a few unhelpful thoughts about it. As much as I feel like I’ve gotten nothing done and that I’m moving through quicksand, that’s not actually the truth. Even with the pace of this week, I did a lot of worthwhile things this week. I was able to talk to a friend going through a new cancer diagnosis and support her. I spent time with my five year old making her feel special. I kept up with my new weight-lifting routine. I finished the hospital credentialing paperwork that was due. There’s more, but even that’s enough.
Hanging out with my youngest
So what’s the problem? My tendency to get mired in the to-do list and see only what’s still left to accomplish keeps me from seeing the progress I’m making. I think it’s hard for us to see our own growth and development. But we love to see it happening in other people’s lives – we find it inspirational! That’s why we love books and movies and sports. They all tell a story, and each story has an introduction, the body of the story where all the conflict and challenges happen, and the resolution of the story at the end. The story doesn’t really mean much if there’s no struggle. It’s somewhat bland and uninteresting.
Part of the fun of enjoying a story is knowing that when you finish it, there is an ending. The story is complete, and unless there’s a sequel, you are satisfied that you know the whole story. But movies and books have a few hours to tell the whole story. Life is longer! It’s much harder to look at your own life and know that what’s happening right now is the preparation for the amazing thing to happen next month. Or to see that the mundane day-to-day is giving you something you need to weather the storm ahead. It’s really hard to know what chapter of your life you’re in.
I love book stories!
I was listening to a story on NPR while driving around this week that was about a pianist who is using artificial intelligence to create music unlike anything that’s been heard before. If he and the computer create something amazing, unless he’s recording it, he can’t recreate it. It’s random and computer generated. When he was asked if that was difficult, he said it was its own unique challenge. But it was like life – each moment is its own special and fleeting time, not to happen again.
That made me think. Am I rushing through all of my unique and fleeting moments? Am I worrying more about what I need to do next than enjoying the moments I’m living? I really want to know where I am in my story – on a cliff looking over a deep valley, standing at the bottom of a huge mountain to climb, near the top of a hill I’ve been moving slowly up for a long time? But is anticipating what’s coming later more satisfying, more enjoyable than experiencing the moment right now? Someday I will see the whole picture when I look back, but for now I’m still writing the story, at least this part.
So are you. Even when the experiences are hard, they are moments too, and they move on. If your moments are hard now, keep breathing through them and try not to wish yourself ahead. Other moments will come, and lighter ones will come in the midst of these heavy times. Try not to miss the light because you’re wishing yourself past the dark.
So while I know my beginning and I want to see all the great middle parts happen, I don’t really just want to skip to the end and figure out the conclusion. So I’m going to keep learning to enjoy the middle as it grows around me, and savor the fleeting moments of my life.
Do you love stories but can’t figure out where you are in yours? Are you tempted to rush ahead or have you learned how to savor your moments? Please share in the comments below!