I’m such a complainer.
Yes, I am. Well, maybe not always out loud. I have this external put-on-your-big-girl-panties-and-deal-with-it attitude, but inside I’m grousing about what I don’t like and how I think things should be different. And too often, I am complaining out loud. I’m not suggesting that it’s best to be fake it and smile like everything is ok when it’s not. But have you ever noticed how contagious complaining is? It’s probably done in a commiserating way, as in “We’re in the same boat!”, but in the end, it just seems like there’s an I-have-it-worse-than-you quality to it. I’m guilty of that, for sure. From my own personal perspective, my life/work/family is tough! And there are parts of all of it that are. But not all. And certainly not most. Maybe there’s a different way to see it…
Dirty socks and shoes all over the floor…
My husband was talking to one of our friends this week about a relationship situation he was working through. As he was talking to Perry, he shared an analogy that I want to repeat, both because it was incredibly wise and I want to remember it, and also because I hope you’ll find it useful. He said that gratitude was like coolant in an engine: whether the engine was running hot or cold, the coolant was there to keep the temperature regulated. That gratitude does that for our emotional engine, because without it, we tend to let our emotional temperature get out of a healthy range.
I needed to hear that. Sometimes I get into this place where all I can see are the problems and obstacles and challenges and I’m frustrated and angry, thinking that somehow if my situation would change, I would feel better. But it’s not true. There can be all kinds of great things happening around me and I’m miserable because I’m zoned in on the things that aren’t going well. Recently, I’ve been dissatisfied at work. Has anything changed? Nope. I’ve been the lead MD for our group for two years (lots of extra work) and I’ve been at a new hospital (too far from home) for more than a year. I’ve just been aggravated about both of those things recently. What I’ve been missing though, is gratitude. For my patients, fewer nights at work, the fun people I get to work with, a nice office chair – all sorts of things. I had to pull out my gratitude journal and focus in on what was good at work so that that gratitude could cool off the engine, because it was running hot! Not trying to be Pollyanna here – I am tired and there’re a lot of hard things to deal with each day. But I’ve been so wrapped up in the challenges that I couldn’t see much of anything good.
Sneaking away to read again…
Here’s the other thing. I know that I have it good. So many people are suffering through truly awful situations in their lives. From adult children going into a downward spiral, to major illnesses, to mass shootings like the one that just happened in Florida, people have so many impossible problems in their lives that I feel kind of small for complaining about ordinary life. You know what though? A lot of us don’t see what good is right in front of us until tragedy strikes, and then we wish we had those routine days back. I want to see the beauty and miracle of the moments happening right now, just like we do when we look back through old photos. We’re able to remember the fun and good feelings of those moments when we look back. Why can’t we do that as we live the moments? I think we can.
Kids in the overgrown backyard…
The gratitude journal is essential. You can slow time and capture the good moments if you write them down. This week, I went through the house and took pictures of normal everyday things, even things that would normally bother me. Then I looked at them with fresh eyes – what does this ordinary thing mean in my life? The pile of shoes and dirty socks on the floor mean I have four healthy kids who were able to play outside today. My preteen hiding away reading in a chair means she’s home with me, safe and happy. My handmade ceramic mug is just a beautiful work of art, and that means I can see and enjoy it. My kids sitting outside together? Well, they’re still friends, even though they fight all the time. You get it. It’s easy to fall into the habit of seeing what’s wrong, what’s off, what’s not the way we want it. But it’s a practice to keep our eyes trained on the good happening around us, and we have to fight for it. And when we do, we start to see the good gifts in our lives everywhere. We just have to look!
Love that mug! Isn’t it beautiful?
Do you ever feel like everything is going wrong? How do you help yourself reclaim the beauty in your life? Please share in the comments below!